Weekend Essay: We need to have those difficult conversations about death

Two weeks ago, I lost one of my best friends in the world.

Although he was 88 and his health had deteriorated in recent years, my grandfather’s death has hit me like a ton of bricks.

He was so much more than just a grandad to me – he was the father I never had growing up and shaped me into the person I am today.

During my childhood, we were inseparable and some of the fondest memories I have are of the times we spent together.

He was the man who took me fishing on the south coast, the one who took me camping in France, and on long bike rides around the Isle of Wight.

The one who took me to football matches and even as an adult when I first qualified as a journalist, drove me around so I could report on games.

Before the days of Sat Navs, when I was seven or eight, he worked as a recovery driver and I would tag along, directing him across the UK – from Cornwall to Gretna Green.

He was the one who took me on one of my first days out to Didcot Railway Centre, the man who bought me my first beer as a teenager on a trip to Holland. The list goes on.

These are times I’ll treasure forever.

In April this year, he spent a month in hospital and contracted Covid while he was there.

He was never the same after – sadly his body just gave up and he passed away on 2 November. The only positive I can take from it is that he’s not suffering any more.

Like a lot of people seem to, my grandad absolutely despised Donald Trump and was dreading the thought of another four years of his presidency.

We joked that he probably saw the polls and thought ‘bugger this, I’m done’.

Humour has always been my family’s way of dealing with things when times get tough.

I think he knew the end was coming and it prompted him to start getting his affairs in order and have those conversations nobody ever likes to think about.

A few weeks before he died, he wrote a few details down on a piece of paper to show my mum and nan – a few last requests.

He didn’t want any kind of fuss or any grand gestures. Just a simple cremation and service surrounded by a close group of family and friends.

Just three days after he died, Canada Life published some research that revealed a surprising lack of discussions around inheritance planning in the UK.

It showed that less than half of the population (49%) have discussed their end-of-life wishes with their loved ones.

Death is a scary thought for many and isn’t something we generally feel comfortable talking about. But sadly, it’s something that will happen to us all.

As Benjamin Franklin once famously said in a letter to French scientist Jean-Baptiste Le Roy in 1789: “In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.”

My grandfather’s death – and his desire to get his affairs in order – has certainly given me a bit of a wake-up call.

Despite my grey hairs, I’m only 36 and I must confess it’s not something I’ve ever really given much thought to.

But it’s made me realise that I probably should.

For example, I don’t yet have a will, but Canada Life’s research shows that I’m certainly not alone.

Across the UK, more than two fifths (44%) have not written one, nor are they currently in the process of doing so.

When asked why, their reasons vary.

Over a quarter of respondents (26%) believe they do not have enough assets or wealth to warrant making one, while 15% don’t want to pay to write one and 14% think their loved ones will inherit their assets automatically.

But perhaps the most startling figure of all is 20% believe they still have plenty of time to make one.

None of us know what’s around the corner and, to coin a phrase from a colleague, assuming makes an ass of you and me.

This, of course, is where the help of a financial adviser can be absolutely invaluable.

Planning for when the unthinkable, but inevitable, happens and getting your finances sorted can provide you with some comfort and peace of mind.

It also gives your family one less thing to worry about at a time when they are already grieving.

I know Grandad would have taken some comfort from knowing he had everything sorted out before he went.

And although planning for his funeral next week has been a painful experience for us all, we at least know the kind of send-off he wanted.

Let’s all start having these conversations with our loved ones, before it’s too late.

I know I will be.